Lovin'

Children are excruciatingly honest. Especially my dear little Hannah.

Bedtime is sometimes a battle of wills between her and us, with her often having the upper hand. (It's that sweet little, "Mommmmmeeeeee" that I just can't resist.) By the time I have her settled in with Leafy (her most favorite bear), Baby Jaguar (who is actually a baby wolf Diego rescue pet), her favorite blanket (that's what she calls it), her Elmo button-up pajamas (that she can button by herself because she's 4 now), a cup of "princess juice" (aka water) on the nightstand, her "diamonds" (vitamins) taken care of, her Disney princesses lamp turned on, a book read, kisses and hugs, "I-love-you-all-the-way-to-the-moon-and-back" said, and her "hard bugs" tucked away in their little cage for the night (that's another post altogether), I'm exhausted. Not to mention all that led up to her actually getting in bed (bath, teeth brushed, etc.)

It's nothing new that she thrives on routine. So if one element of the above list is absent, we all know to be prepared for the consequences.

(Carter, on the other hand, just wants his bath, teeth brushed, a stuffed animal of some sort and a blankie. Ah, I'm relishing the days of a simple lullaby and putting a baby in a bed he can't get out of!)

Anyhow...last night was one of those nights when it was hard to get her settled down. After reading a book 3 times, lots of hugs and kisses, several trips back and forth to bring her things from the kitchen and several attempts to leave the room, I admit my patience was worn thin. So I told her (in my stern Mommy voice) that it was time to go to sleep and that I was not coming back in her room until tomorrow.

So she looks up at me with those big brown doe eyes and says, "Mommy? I wonna tell you sumpthin." (which means she wants to ask a question, in an attempt to stall the inevitable)

So I go back over to her bed and wait. She peers up and says, "I love you all the way to the moon and back."

I say, "Aww...I love you, too, baby."

And she says (in her most pitiful little voice), "You don't act like you love me."

What could I say to that?!

I hear people say that their parents didn't say, "I love you," to them, but they knew that they were loved just the same. But I also know that many folks say the words but don't live them. I pray that I'm not one of those people...especially to my children.

And although I know that was her way of keeping me in the room for just a few more seconds, deep down inside I wonder if she really knows how much I love her. It's devastating to me to even think that my children consider my "I love you's" just empty words...something I say because I'm supposed to. I want to show my love for them...love that surpasses any emotion I've ever experienced...I want there to be no doubt as to whether or not their Mommy loves them more than life itself.

I never dreamed a mother's love could be so difficult. On one hand I love them so much that I want to give them everything they desire. To always say, "yes." To be a buddy, a pal, someone to horse around with. While on the other hand, I know that it's my God-given responsibility to teach them right from wrong. To correct them (in love). To protect them. To give them the knowledge and confidence to stand on their own.

So, Hannah and Carter, I hope that someday you understand just how much your Daddy and I love you. You are the most important people in our lives (and always will be), and we would happily lay down our lives for you. Please realize that every time we correct you, we do it in love. We make you go to bed at a decent hour because we love you enough to know that you need rest. We make you say "yes ma'am, yes sir, please and thank you" because we want everybody to love you as much as we do. We make you eat supper because we love you enough to want to make sure your bodies are healthy. We make you pick up your toys because we want you to know how to take care of yourselves when Mommy and Daddy aren't around. We won't let you climb or jump on the couch because we don't want to be in the ER with a head that needs stitching up. We won't let you swim in your pool in January because we don't want you to get sick. We won't let you kiss the dog on the mouth because, well, that's just gross.

And the list goes on.

So to all you out there blessed enough to have someone call you Mommy or Daddy, I'm sure you already know how special you are to your children...regardless of how old they are. (If you have teenagers, just know that they do grow out of it, and you'll be their hero again in a few years.)

And for those of you who've yet to experience the wonder of parenthood...be careful of what you say about other people's children. I especially urge you to stay away from phrases like, "My children will never..." because they will, and then you'll need a BIG bottle of ketchup to eat those words. Believe me -- I've got a huge stash for that very purpose.